Blister
by TheWitchness
Summary: Something like a songfic. Buffy is upset.


BLISTER Disclaimer: I own neither Buffy or anything related or the song/lyrics which is by Our Lady Peace, titled: Blister. 

_~~Lately I can't breath  
Waiting they're chaing me  
No one listens but I'm ok with it~~_

She sobbed harder than she ever had in her entire life. It consumed her whole body, shaking her inside and out. She had just lost the one person who made her happy and couldn't tell a soul how much it hurt, how much he meant to her.

_~~Only (only) I wonder why  
If only (only) my hands weren't tied  
The world's a blister but I'm ok with it~~_

She tried to think back to simpler, happier times. Sneaking out late night with him, spending hours talking. . . laughing . . . crying . . . arguing . . . or just sitting in silence with him.

She sobbed even harder, realizing that those times would never happen again. How much she would miss his lopsided grin and humor.

She didn't hear the knock at her door. Her mother walked in, she had heard her daughter crying hysterically.

"Buffy? Honey, are you alright?" Her face had a concerned look on it, though Buffy wasn't comforted.

"No!" She wailed. "He's gone. I've lost him." She was so upset she couldn't even hide her pain this time in from of her mother.

God dammit, she was the slayer! She was supposed to be strong!

"Oh my, who? Was it Willow?" Buffy gained a little composure, even though the tears still trickled down.

"No. Willow's fine, mom. It was someone more, much more important to me. Some one I loved."

Her mother sat beside her on the bed, putting an arm around her shoulder. "Tell me what happened."

_~~(Don't touch me)  
What if I was there  
What if I was scared  
I'm waiting for . . .  
They're at my door  
But I'll be back again~~_

She had been seeing him since he returned to Sunnydale. She had thought he would never return, and she would never see him again in her short lifetime. But he was there.

"They didn't know he was good." She managed to say.

"Who was good?"

"He was my best friend!" She stopped crying. "They killed him. He was the only one who truly understood me. They didn't know her was different. They didn't know. I wasn't there to save him!"

Her mother hugged her daughter tightly as she let the rest of the story spill out.

_~~Lonely (lonely) I'm wondering  
Partrolling (patrolling) for enemies  
No one listens but I'm ok with it~~_

It was near midnight. She was doing the last partrolling of the night. She was cold and lonely. He wasn't there with her and how badly she wanted him to be there. To help her get through this horrible pain.

She had tried to tell everyone before this happened about him. On numerous occasions. But she either chickened out, or something came up that she had to deal with.

A vampire jumped out at her from the bushes. She staked him quickly not even missing a beat in her step. She kept her head down and began the walk home, tears coursing down her cheeks.

_~~(Don't trust me)  
What if I was there  
What if I was scared  
I'm waiting for . . .  
They're at my door  
But I'll be back again  
And I'll be back again~~_

Nearly a week had passed. She went to school everyday and feigned her happiness and usual self to everyone. But she knew they would start asking questions soon. She could tell by the way they looked at her. They all knew something was wrong.

She couldn't tell anyone of her loss. She had only told her mother and sworn her to secrecy.

When she returned home form school that day no one was home. A note form her mother was on the counter saying she wouldn't be home until near midnight. Buffy sighed. Alone, again.

The phone rang and she slowly picked it up. It was Xander asking if she wanted to come to the Bronze to celebrate his death. She politely declined, saying it was mother-daughter bonding night.

She had lost her last sane nerve when Xander had asked her to celebrate. She was drowning in loss and depression and there was no way out. 

Than she saw her mother's stress pills on the window sill above the sink. A little ways down the counter was a full bottle of vodka. She grabbed the two quickly and ran to her room.

_~~You wonder why  
I don't know  
You shout at me  
Let me go~~_

She took all the pills one by one. They didn't have much of an effect on her. Not yet. She opened the vodka and smelt it. She sighed. She needed to escape. She wasn't afraid to die. When she died, Another would replace her. The world wouldn't end. Her friends would survive. Her mother too. Although she wasn't quiet so sure about that one.

She was supposed to be strong! But she couldn't . . . It was too much pain and suffering for one her age, or any at that, to go through. She knew it was wrong taking the easy way out, but she had to erase the memories, the good the bad and the indiffernet. She wanted to live in blackness that was never disturbed. And if dying meant that was the only way she could live that way, so be it.

He mother found her the next morning. The bottle empty in her hand, her face ashen, dried tears on her cheeks. Her mother knew as soon as she saw her she was gone. She ran to the bed and cried with her child in her arms.

__

~~You wonder why  
I don't know  
You shout at me  
Let me go!!!~~

The entire scooby gang and her mother surronded her small grave. It was an entire year later. Another had been called. Armageddon had been stopped on numerous occassions. It was a small modest plot, with a small headstone that only read her name, the dates and "Class Protector" on it.

Her mother had told them all the story Buffy had told her. They all felt and humongus weight of guilt on their shoulders, but they couldn't succomb like she did. Each of them had the same thought in their mind's at the time though: What if I was there?

_~~What if I was there  
(Don't touch me)  
What if I was scared  
(Don't trust me)  
I'm waiting for  
They're at my door  
But I'll be _back_ again~~_

Willow was pregnant with Oz's child. She had the deep feeling somewhere deep inside her that this child was very special. Buffy was with her Spike.

_~~What if I was there  
(Don't touch me)  
What if I was scared  
(Don't trust me)  
I'm waiting for . . .  
They're at my door  
But I'll be back again  
I'm waiting for . . .  
They're at my door . . . . . . . .~~~~_

ENDO

  
  


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